Today is actually my sister Caitlin’s birthday– fitting that I wrote this on my birthday but am only getting up the courage to post it on hers. Caitlin gives me courage– this is the truth. Thanks babe– and happy birthday to you, wherever you may be!
July 30th, 2015
Today is my 34th birthday. This is my gift to myself, and I hope, to others—today I begin this blog. I have wanted to for years. I have long loved the art of writing—the spilling over of thoughts, emotion and reality onto the blank page on the waiting desk. Since sixth grade I have kept a journal, allowing myself the pleasure and isolated therapy of writing. Protected, safe, secure—for my eyes only. But through the years people have said to me, “You should write. You should share what you write.” I have done so academically—that is easy and comfortable for me. Well researched, thought through to perfection and only then shared with the world.
This… is raw, unfiltered, and way more scary. It takes a risk, a leaping off. It is a departure. It’s a departure because it’s not controlled. It can’t be—it’s simply a reflection of my heart—human, ever changing, discovering, growing and learning. But I am ready. Caitlin has pushed me off the edge, Life has made me ready. There is so much moving inside of me, so much happening in the world, things that matter to me and to the ones I love. We all have a voice when it comes to the world in which we find ourselves, and I have learned, a responsibility to share our voice. Life is not meant to be watched from the sidelines, it’s meant to be lived from the center of the arena, as Brene Brown says, to be “dared greatly”. I have much to offer, much to give, and so, I believe, does everyone. How can I expect it from my students, my siblings, my friends, my family, my godkids and eventually, my own children, if I’m not doing it myself? This is one of the ways I am committing to stepping into the arena.
What will I write about? I guess the things I am embedded in—life and choosing life. Relationships, sexuality and the Big Love. Death, especially the death of my own beloved sister Caitlin 2 years 5 months and 19 days ago, and the way that singular event has completely altered the reality of my family and like a ripple effect, everyone we know. God and the mystery of faith. Everyday life and simple joys and discoveries. What it means to be a human being, and in my case, a woman, in the world today. Embodiment, yoga, dance, midwifery and ministry, always swirling back to the Love that’s at the center of it all. Work and frustrations and joy and exhileration. Human life held in the Holy Spirit.
I circle back again and again to the passage from which the title of this blog gets its inspiration. Jesus took her by the hand and called to her, “Child, arise!” This is a tale of rising, of healing—mine and yours. It is raw. It is ongoing. Thank you for reading!
3 thoughts on “Happy Birthday!”
So enjoyed sharing your thoughts. Go girl!
Thank you for writing and sharing with the world, Erbear. So many will benefit from reading your blog. It is delightfully perfect that it began on Caitlin’s birthday.